Where You Lead

So, Where Is My Faith?

It’s the day of reckoning here. This is the day that my family has awaited, prayed about, anticipated. It all comes down to God answering our prayers now. We didn’t set a deadline; the date was chosen for us.

I’m feeling helpless. I’ve done everything I thought I ought to do but nothing worked. I know that I have no power over this situation. I know that it’s all in God’s hands and that should make me feel confident. My faith should carry me through these next few hours.

Instead, I’m a nervous wreck.

I feel like a fake. I believe in God. I pray and ask for His blessings. And then I worry. Where is my faith? If I truly believe then should I not be at peace right now?

Okay, my friends. I need prayers. I need prayers beginning now and especially at 5pm Eastern time. Pray that my faith is strengthened. Pray that the Lord will pour His blessings on our family. Pray that we make it through this. Pray.

Mothers And Sons

I am Catholic; my daughter-in-law is not. Not long ago she asked me the reason for praying the Hail Mary and the Rosary. I explained that we do not pray to Mary as we do to Jesus. Rather, we ask Mary to intercede for us. Catholics believe in the intercession of Saints.

When I was reading my Bible yesterday, it became a little more clear to me. I read John 2 about the wedding in Cana, attended by Jesus, his disciples and his mother.

When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

“Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied, “My time has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

John 2: 3-5

We all know what happens next – Jesus performs his first miracle. He changed the water into wine, simply because his mother asked him to do it. That is what any good son would do for his loving mother.

I don’t mind that some Christian denominations don’t share my beliefs regarding the intercession of saints. I understand that not all Christians honor Mary the way we Catholics do. For those who always wondered about this, though, this is how this Catholic views the mother of Jesus and why I pray the Rosary. I talk to Mary mother to mother, woman to woman. I ask her to intercede on my behalf. And I try to be the kind of woman and mother that she is.

In A Minute!

Do you have kids? If so, you’ve probably heard those three words more than you can count. Whether we remind the kids to take out the trash, make their beds or do their homework, something else is always more important or must be completed first before they do as they’re told. Of course, that “something” is often a phone call with a best friend, the ending of a TV show or some online communication. It’s clear that these things that don’t seem important to us are very important to them – more important than obeying their loving parents.

As much as I’d like to think that I’ve outgrown that behavior in my own life, the truth is I spend a lot of time telling my heavenly Father “In a minute!” I wake in the morning, make coffee, see the family off to work and school then… read my email. I might check a few forums or read the tweets that accumulated overnight. For someone who starts her day at 5am you’d think I’d get to my morning prayers and meditation well before 10am! And yet, as noon fast approaches, I’m still thinking, “Just one more minute.”

Nothing I do from the moment my family leaves the house until the time that I actually sit down with my Lord is more important than my relationship with Him. Nothing matters if I don’t obey Him. Like a self centered child, I put Him off, telling Him to wait. Of course, just like one of my own kids, when I want something from my Father, I beg and plead because I want it NOW.

It’s time that I stop procrastinating in the morning and start making God my top priority. Email and twitter can wait. Chit chatting at forums can wait. My Father has waited for me long enough.

It’s Uncomfortable

I realized just today that God doesn’t want me to get too comfortable. When I’m comfortable, I get lazy. I take Him for granted. I forget to praise Him or to work for Him. I neglect the only One who never lets me down and who is always by my side.

This morning, I delayed my prayers while I relaxed and enjoyed the quiet morning. I occupied my mind with things that weren’t important so I could just “chill.” I procrastinated away a few hours when God shook me. Discomfort set in and I knew He was wanting my attention, just as I am always requesting His.

So I prayed. I meditated. I was still while I waited to hear His word. That’s when I realized that every single day, every moment even, must be dedicated to my Lord. I have to force myself to step out of that easy, comfortable place and be bold for Him.

Doing His work is not easy. It takes courage to do the right thing. The right thing is often uncomfortable, but it’s always worth it. The blessings that He bestows are equal to the discomfort that we willingly accept in His name.

Into The Fire

How much longer will you forget me, LORD? Forever?
How much longer will you hide yourself from me?
How long must I endure trouble?
How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?
How long will my enemies triumph over me?

Look at me, O LORD my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don’t let me die.
Don’t let my enemies say, “We have defeated him.”
Don’t let them gloat over my downfall.

I rely on your constant love;
I will be glad, because you will rescue me.
I will sing to you, O LORD,
because you have been good to me.

Psalm 13

Wow. I sure can relate to the way David is feeling in that psalm. I’ve spent the better part of the past two weeks or so crying out to the Lord, asking Him why he forgot me, wondering how long my heart must ache. Like David, it was when I turned my crying and grief to prayer that I was finally able to see God’s hand working in my life.

I’m beginning to realize that God’s answer to me isn’t exactly what I was expecting. I thought His answer would comfort me but it seems God wants me to rely so completely on Him that there will be no doubt of His love for me. The best way I can describe God’s answer to my prayer is that He picked us up out of the frying pan and tossed us directly into the fire. At this point, we must rely on Him, no questions asked. He is demanding total trust.

As David says, “I rely on your constant love; I will be glad, because you will rescue me.” It will not be a man, a parent, a friend who comes to my aid; it will the Lord. He wants me to put my complete trust in Him.

I do trust Him. I am at peace.

(If you read this to the end, please keep my family in your prayers. And feel free to let me know you were here in my comments so I can pray for you, too.)

Give Me Rest

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Psalm 127:1-2

I know that the Lord helps those who help themselves. God does not want us to be lazy, that’s for sure. But when we do his work and we honor Him, there’s no need to worry or to lose sleep over whether we’ll be successful or not. God will take care of us, even as we sleep.

Lately, I’ve had trouble concentrating on my work. My mind has been preoccupied with worry. For all my prayers and my declarations of faith, I still spend way too much time wondering and worrying. I lose sleep as I think about “what if?” or “now what?”

We needn’t worry though. We must simply set about doing the right thing, taking care of our responsibilities and doing our best for the Lord. He will tend to the rest. He will take care of us, even as we sleep. That’s faith.

Hope

For it was by hope that were were saved; but if we see what we hope for, then it is not really hope. For who hopes for something he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

All those words to get to that one word that makes me wince: patience. We are a society of instant gratification. We want it now and we know how to make that happen. Is it any wonder that we get frustrated and lose hope when God doesn’t give us the answer we want when we want it?

These past two weeks, I’ve struggled with patience. I’ve prayed and pleaded with God to make my situation right. I suppose you could say I’ve been a nag. I’m not sure if God’s intention was to teach me patience or if there’s some other reason for the waiting. I do know that in some odd way, waiting has been good. Waiting and wanting and praying and hoping have brought me closer to my Lord and have strengthened my faith.

Don’t get me wrong, this hasn’t been an easy journey. I threatened God at one point, telling Him I was going to give up on Him. I cussed Him out in a moment of despair, too. I’m sure that isn’t what God wanted from me but I think He’d rather I scream at Him than ignore Him. And since God sees what is in my heart, I know that He saw the anguish that was there.

I’ve realized, too, that through all the turmoil these past weeks, God has been right by side, holding me in His arms and keeping my hope alive. Despite my rollercoaster emotions, I never stopped hoping for an answer.

Even now, as we approach the two week mark of this family crisis, my hope is still in my Lord.

In The Face Of Evil

Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.

Rom 12:21

If I was looking for a sign to be proactive in righting a wrong, I sure did get one. But it wasn’t a sign that pushed me to action. Instead, it was simply reading God’s word and realizing that my only action should be love.

When faced with evil, and surely that is what my family is facing right now, my first inclination is to resist, to fight back, to conquer. That would be a mistake. It is only by remaining pure and good, by continuing to love, that evil will be overcome. When I stop resisting, I allow God to take over. I allow whatever is, to just be.

The most difficult of meeting evil with good is praying for those who are causing my pain. Tonight I prayed fervently for the one who is hurting my family. I prayed for blessings to be showered upon her. I didn’t qualify that with a “so she will stop hurting us” or anything like that. I simply asked God to bless her. And I meant it.

I wonder what would happen if everyone prayed altogether for God’s blessings to shower those who hurt us. I wonder how quickly we could conquer evil with our united good?

Signs

Have you ever wondered if some odd moment or event might be a sign from God? Do you look for signs in your life? Have you ever asked God for a sign?

This topic arose this evening while talking with my 17 year old son. He suggested I do something specific to rectify a situation that has my whole family in turmoil. Truly, taking action to bring comfort to our family is a good thing. The problem is, the action could hurt someone else.

To complicate matter more, the person who could get hurt is someone who has caused pain to those I love. So the dilemma I face is whether any action I take is to make right a wrong or is it really my hidden desire for revenge? Thus, I have asked for a sign that will point me in the right direction.

Deep inside, I really believe that the sign will be no sign at all. I think God will deal with this situation without any input from me. But I will still be watching. I’ll be alert so that if there is a sign, I will not miss it. I have a feeling that just being alert will open my eyes to all kinds of other signs and messages that God is sending.

It’s Faith

I’m going to take this moment right here, right now, to Thank God for what is going to happen. I’m not being presumptuous. I simply believe that God will not let me down.

I’ve prayed for a resolution to a family crisis. I’ve prayed that God would heal my family. I think He’s doing that now. Part of me is afraid to get my hopes up. I’m afraid of being let down. But another part of me knows so well the wonders of our Lord. I’ve been blessed so many times. I’ve been amazed at His power. I know He loves me and He wants me to be happy.

And so tonight I’m thanking Him for what will happen tomorrow. Because I believe.