Posted on Sep 16, 2009 under Faith |
Okay, so it’s time to pray. Something is up and I need prayers. I need God’s hand on those I love and those who we’ve chosen to trust in this most important situation. So, what’s the problem?
It hasn’t been so long ago that I turned everything over to God, sat calmly reading my bible passages or praying, and waiting for Him to take care of everything. My faith was strong and I had no trouble being patient as I awaited the news. I was sure the news would be favorable.
It wasn’t. Everything fell apart. He didn’t take care of us the way I’d prayed. Even now, so many months later, I can’t quite figure out what good came of all that. In fact, today’s problems are mostly a continuation – and an expensive continuation, at that – of that terrible outcome.
So now I’m here and trying to pray all over again. I’m trying to believe that God will take care of this, that the previous let down had a reason and that it’s all in His plan. I’m trying to have faith. I’m not at peace as I was before, so I guess my faith isn’t as strong. Does that mean I’ve failed in some way? Does that mean God is not happy with my lack of faith and won’t answer my prayers? I don’t know. Only time will tell that.
In the meantime, I’m left to wonder about this Faith thing. Faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to move a mountain. Yet, my faith hasn’t moved anything. And so I doubt. My faith is weakened.
My prayer, then, is that God renew my faith. I pray that my faith remains strong no matter today’s outcome.
Posted on Sep 08, 2009 under Uncategorized |
Several years ago, my mother told me about a book that was supposed to be very moving. The Prayer of Jabez had not yet branched off into the “for women” or “for teens” editions. I read the book and something happened to me. My heart opened and my faith we reborn.
I was raised Catholic and still am. I love my Catholic faith. The Prayer of Jabez didn’t distract from that but rather, added to it. It brought my faith into sharper focus. The Prayer of Jabez for Women touched me even deeper and since then, my faith – and my spirituality – has grown. I’m on an endless journey for a deeper understanding of my God.
While much of what I believe is based strongly on Christianity, some of my thoughts and realizations are a little beyond that. It’s hard to explain. I’m constantly trying to bring all of this together in my own mind.
Each day, I pray the way Jabez did. I meditate on the words and pray:
Oh, that You would bless me indeed;
And enlarge my territory.
That your hand would be with me
And that you would keep me from evil
That I may not cause pain.
Posted on Sep 02, 2009 under Uncategorized |
When I started this blog, I had ideas for it. I was going to blog every day; in fact, I planned to start each day with a post here. I would then be able to look back at my journey and be amazed or grateful or whatever. I was sure I’d have an “Aha!” moment. I hoped to reach out to others wishing to lead a more spiritual life.
Even though I dropped the ball on this blog, I did have an Aha moment. I looked back and realized what I had always known: Going “where He leads” means accepting plans other than my own. In this case, it meant walking away from here and learning to cope with situations out of my control.
Some of what I’ve learned and come to understand is so profound because it is so simple. I’m not sure I’ll be able to write properly about it but I will eventually try. I’m not even certain what direction this blog will take or whether I’ll make any sense of it. I just know that I am struggling to understand more and hope to share it here.
Or maybe I’ll just ask questions. We shall see….
