Where You Lead

A Heritage

These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe… so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you.

Deuteronomy 6:1-2

My faith has been passed to me from my parents; their faith from their parents. I’ve brought my own children up in the same way. While some find their way to the Christian faith on their own, many of us pass our faith on to the next generation just as it was passed on to us.

For many years, I went through the motions of religion with my kids, taking them to Mass, having them baptized, and on through the sacraments. I didn’t really share my faith with them, though. I didn’t talk about the miracles in my life, the fact that I spoke with God regularly. My faith was personal and quiet and I wasn’t quite sure how to share it with my kids at first.

Somehow, I did learn to open up and talk more and more about my faith. I did learn to share with my children the importance of God in my life and how the Gospel was a part of my day-to-day living. Yesterday, my second son called and asked me to pray for him regarding an issue. He called a few hours later to thank me, because things did work out.

I realized how important it was that I shared my faith with my kids and let them see God’s hand in my life. I realized, too, that my children would be passing along to their own children that same faith. Our faith in God is a most precious heritage.

Biting Your Tongue

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 10:19

It took me many years of raising my two oldest sons to finally understand the phrase, “choose your battles.” It seems that I spent quite a bit of my time in the beginning harping on my kids. Whether they had picked out mismatched clothes or were insisting on eating with their eyes closed (seriously, strange kid), I believed it was my duty as a mother to correct them and teach them the “acceptable” way.

The fact is, kids don’t learn if they never make mistakes. And kids don’t learn to think for themselves if we do all the thinking for them. Yes, we must keep them safe and step in when their decisions might be harmful. Most times, though, it’s best to let our children make mistakes and learn on their own. Sometimes, they may even find a better way and teach us something, too.

Just as our heavenly Father guides us with his Word and is always there to lift us, He also lets us make mistakes and learn from them. Once again, if we pattern our our parenting after our Father, our children will do well.

Speaking In Love

Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, this , Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

Have you ever met someone who takes pride in their honesty? You know what I mean. These are the people who proclaim proudly that they may hurt feelings but at least they’re honest. Or they call it being outspoken, confident, in-your-face. Whatever they call it, it all amounts to one thing: honesty spoken without love hurts and discourages.

As parents, we want to communicate our values and thoughts to our children, but we have to remember to do that with kindness and allow our children to see our genuine concern for them. The difference? Well, if your teen daughter is wearing inappropriate clothing, you’d be better off suggesting something more appropriate and explaining how nice she would look in something else than if you’d simply blurt out that her clothes make her look like a tramp.

I think that sometimes we parents handle situations with hurtful words because we’re afraid. We see ourselves losing control of our children and that frightens us. We see our children forming their own opinions and sometimes that doesn’t mesh with our own values. That’s a scary thought. We want to protect our kids but our fear takes over and we lash out at the very people we love so much: our kids.

The best way to allay the fear and speak honestly to our children with love, is to always trust in the Lord. Follow His way, pray that he replace our fear with faith and allow God to help us to parent. That’s the winning combination.

Guidelines

I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Psalm 119:104

We all know that raising children doesn’t come with directions. That first child is so much a matter of trial and error. In my case, it was mostly error. And just when I thought I knew the answers, the questions changed as my child entered a new stage. To add another twist, I also found that what worked for the first kid didn’t always work for the second, or fourth or sixth. This parenting thing is tough!

Like so many parents, I pored over parenting books; I talked to other parents for advice. I have no idea why, but it never occurred to me that everything I needed to know was right in front of me, in God’s word. God has given us the answers on how to live and even how to parent. We just need to make the effort to read His Word.

Even now, when things get touchy in the parenting department, I tend to fret and worry until I remember where I’ve always found the answer. I just have to open my Bible and start reading. Or just close my eyes and remember what I know about our Lord. God guides in every way, even in parenting, if we’ll only let Him.

It’s Okay to Cry

There is a time for everything… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

As parents, we make a lot of decisions about what to teach our children is appropriate and what is inappropriate. No doubt, there can be disagreement in some areas and no clear cut right or wrong. We all do the best we can.

One attitude that has bothered me for decades is the parent, often a father, who teaches a son that “men don’t cry.” Once, many years ago, I heard a father say that to his young son. I didn’t know this father and other than that statement, he seemed very loving and attentive to his son. That one comment, bothered me. I said nothing but I sure did want to step in and tell that little boy to go right ahead and cry.

Children need to learn that it’s okay to cry. In fact, children need to see their parents – both mom and dad – cry when the situation warrants it. Crying is a response to sadness or grief. Normal human emotions do not threaten anyone’s manhood; we should all feel comfortable expressing both positive and negative emotions.

God has blessed us with the ability to feel deeply. We should be grateful to Him for that. He tells us that there is a time to weep. Let’s not forget that tears are okay and let’s make sure that our children – boys as well as girls – are always comfortable enough to express their emotions with us.

A Humble Child

Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

Matthew 18:5

Whenever I read this passage, two distinct issues come to my mind. The first is a memory of my favorite priest, Fr. Harold Moore, always welcoming children of all ages at Mass. So many times mothers with children are required to sit in a sound proof room and I always wonder how Jesus would react to such segregation.

The other thought that this passage elicits is that of unwed mothers. So many Christians are pro-life and yet I’ve seen Christians react terribly to teen pregnancy. Whether it’s a parent who goes into a rage that their teen is about to become a parent or simply a friend or acquaintance whispering about the latest teen who is pregnant, it always strikes me as odd that these babies are not celebrated.

Oh, I know, pre-marital sex is not acceptable. Yet, it happens and a child is sometimes the result. That result – a child – is always a blessing. Always.

I do speak from experience. My son was just 16 when we learned his girlfriend was pregnant. It took me all of 30 seconds to break through my shock, muffle my stern lectures and say simply, “We’ll deal with it.” And we did. Now 19, my son is an excellent father although the teen romance did not last. My granddaughter is the bright spot in many of my days; I can’t imagine life without her.

We will never know why our Lord intended for that beautiful child to become a part of this family, knowing that her parents were not meant to be together. It doesn’t matter. Jesus instructed us to welcome the children into our lives. The next time you hear of a teen or any unmarried person becoming a parent, hug them. Love them. And welcome that child into the world. Celebrate!

Living Example

Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law.

Deuteronomy 32:46

If ever you’ve been tempted to tell your children, “Do as I say, not as I do” then this is a perfect reason why you shouldn’t. God has commanded us to live the words of His law, not to simply recite them to our children.

I know I was guilty of this very attitude for a long time. I smoked cigarettes but told my kids that they must not smoke. Of course, my actions spoke louder than my words; three of my kids smoke. I have finally broken free from this addiction, with the help of the Holy Spirit, but the damage has already been done to my three oldest children. The fact is, our words don’t mean much when our actions contradict them.

When we teach our children God’s word, and instruct them to follow God’s laws, we must also make the commitment to follow those same laws. If we tell our children they must share God’s blessings then we must be willing to share as well. When we walk past a Salvation Army bell ringer or fail to place money in the basket at church, we are teaching our children that we don’t take God’s words to heart.

I’m convinced that it is better for our children to see us live God’s word and never speak of it than to hear us speak it constantly and never live it.

Best Behavior

Be patient with everyone.

1 Thessalonians 5:14

How often are we more polite, more patient, with total strangers than we are with our own families? How many times in a day do we snap at our children or spouses? Why are we more careful to smile at a fellow shopper at the grocery store than at our own family members?

I’m so guilty of this that it’s shameful. I’ve caught myself losing my patience with one of the kids or being really annoyed at my husband and then suddenly, when the phone rings, my voice is all sweetness. I don’t know who is on the other end of that phone but I’m still kinder and more considerate of this unknown person than those I live with and love with all my heart.

It’s obvious that we tend to forget our manners with our families because these are our “safe” people. We know that we’re loved and we don’t have to try to win them over. And yet, these are the people who deserve the best treatment possible because they do love us.

I’m pretty sure that the message I send my kids through my actions is not the same message that comes out of my mouth. I need to remember how important these people in my family are and treat them with all the love and patience that God has for me.

Hard Work!

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Proverbs 14:23

I’m not sure what happened over the course of the past 40 or so years, but there has definitely been a tremendous shift in our general work ethic. I always believed that if you want something, you must work to earn it. When I look around today, I see people of all ages expecting to have all their needs and wants met without every actually working for it.

The easy thing to do is to blame the government or the schools. The tough thing is to look at how we parent. We are our children’s first teacher and we are responsible for instilling in our children a good work ethic. Handing our kids anything they want, whenever they ask, is doing them a huge disservice.

Of course, it isn’t enough to tell our kids to work hard. We really ought to be showing them, not by simply letting them watch us but by letting them work with us. Whether it’s kitchen clean up or yard work, the kids should be right by our sides, working and sweating and learning the value of a job well done. I know, sometimes it’s faster and easier to just do it ourselves. In the end, though, it isn’t about faster or easier but rather about doing right by our kids.

God is always with us to provide for our needs but He expects us to work hard, too. It’s fine to have a goal or a dream, as long as you are working toward that dream. Our kids deserve the feeling of pride that comes from hard work and accomplishment. Let’s make sure we give them that by setting the right example.

Lead With Love

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Psalm 145:8

We’re so blessed to have a Father who guides us with love. We make the same mistakes over and over and yet He is patient and kind, even while disciplining us. Our heavenly Father is the perfect role model for how we should lead our children.

I think I’m rich in love but I know I’m not slow to anger. I have little temper explosions all day long. Others, though, are slow to anger but when they erupt, everyone runs for cover. That anger is not rich in love. I can only imagine that either of those tempers would be frightening for a child.

I need to keep in mind that my temper is mine to control. How I deal with frustrating situations or a misbehaving child is my choice, and I can choose my reaction. I must deal with my children the way that God has always dealt with me, with grace and compassion, slow to anger and rich in love.